Friday, January 15, 2010

RETREAT

‘Then why are you doing it? If you know it’s not good for you?’ he asked me.

And I couldn’t answer.

Try as I did to make my best friend see why I was back in touch with my ex, it was a weird experience – weird because I had never had a problem to make him see my point before, or to explain my side to him. But exception proves a rule, and me getting friendly with my ex again was one of the exceptions, clearly.

There are things in life that you just have to do sometimes. You don’t know why, but you just feel this obsessive compulsive need to do them, and that is reason enough to do them.

No one can really judge or even fathom to figure out a relationship. Not a best friend, not a parent, not a relative; and least of all the people around. What goes into a relationship, who draws the line where and puts up with exactly what and how much… no one can really tell.

One can’t understand, and one shouldn’t even try to make sense of it all. Not if you are a third person, and not even if you are the person; for it is easy to want to believe we are always either black or white. But it is not the truth. Everyone has a shade of grey, no matter how small it maybe, how insignificant – it is still there, unmistakable. And it is good if you get to know this side of you. It humbles you. It makes you less judgmental. It makes it easy for you to consider people’s mistakes.

And most importantly – it helps you forgive yourself.

It makes ‘the after’ easy.

Only you know what you have given to a relationship. And only you know what you can’t get back. Only you know how much you miss that someone special. Only you know what it means to not have that person in your life – what that emptiness feels like.

And only you can comprehend the need to want to be with that person again. Only you know why you want to go back to that person – to give yourselves a second chance, or just to have that person back as a friend, whatever the reason. For sometimes people you have had a relationship with become your friends in a very different way that is both weird and nice at the same time. It has its own comfort zones, its own ‘being yourself’ feel… and there’s nothing that can equal or replace it. Emotions, feelings, can never be right or wrong – they are either there or not there… that’s all.

Sometimes even your best friends fail to see your point. Or understand you. The one person who you thought knew you better than yourself can also not be able to comprehend your acts at times. But you shouldn’t let that bother you. Some paths you have to tread through alone. And it can’t be such bad a thing, right? It isn’t.

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