DIARY OF A SLUTTY GIRL

So I wake up in the morning after a good night’s sleep and brush my teeth and come into the drawing room, and I am greeted by a grumpy Dad who is behaving rather touchy today, asking Mom to run the mixer-grinder at a lower volume… guess that late night movie he stayed up for didn’t turn out to be that good after all, or he just got off the wrong side of the bed. It is Sunday and I am eager to lay my hands on the Times Life supplement of The Times Of India (TOI) – not that it is very great or whatever; it is the only day I have time to while away on the morning coffee, and being uninterested in politics and in ‘reading’ sports leaves very little to be read in newspapers.

I go through the articles I usually read – God & I featured Madhur Bhandarkar today… I do quite like the guy, or maybe I should say I DID quite like the guy till I lay eyes on his picture that was printed with the article. You know how sometimes a single picture can speak a thousand words? This one spoke chapters to me – and very weird ones, if I may say so!

Then I came upon this article called “The Faster Sex!” that talked about how women move on and into a new relationship faster than men do, post a break-up… nothing new again, if I may say so!

After that I saw this column called “Diary of a Single Girl” and made a mental note to come back to it in the end.

I turned to the last page and came upon my favourite little feature of the supplement – Book Shelf. Being a voracious reader, I am always interested in and on the lookout for new books to read. Book Shelf is a nice way to find out who’s reading what – as I do not have too many friends who are into reading; sigh.

Today Book Shelf featured Chetan Bhagat, and the article carried along with it a picture of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart; and I knew I was going to regret reading it! Here’s what he said –

Current read: At the moment I am not reading anything as I am busy writing my next book and don’t want to get influenced. (Right; as if books/moves you have read/seen so far haven’t/won’t influence what you have written/are writing. Old tosh. And seriously, we asked you your current read, not how you go about writing a new book or whatever. He could have just simply said the next sentence without “accidentally” mentioning this little piece of information!) My last read was the Twilight series, as I wanted to know what attracted millions to it. (Really? That’s why you read the Twilight series? Seriously? Swear by your writing talent (!)? I am going to go read the book he is currently writing once it’s out and then decide whether or not to believe in these two statements.)

Number 1: You want to tell the world you are writing a new book, have someone interview you, or hold a press conference if you must; but please do not mention it while answering “current read”! It’s just… eeeeeeewww.

Number 2: You read the Twilight series and enjoyed it, fine. No one’s gonna hang you by the neck for saying that. But saying you read it because you wanted to find out what attracted millions to it is utter gibberish, and totally uncool.

Needless to say I did not move on to Chetan Bhagat’s all-time favourites.

I was almost about to toss the supplement away when I remembered marking that article – Diary of a Single Girl. I turned back to the article and settled down to read it.

And by the end of it, I was looking for a carry bag to puke.

Literally.

Lemme tell you why.

I have been writing since grade seven, and I have been actively blogging since 2007; and someday I aspire to make my mark in the literary world. And I think the best job for me would be that of a columnist. As I see it being a columnist, for me, means getting to write about what you want to write about, getting a readership for your writing, and opening up an interactive forum where writer and reader both make the column a success. It truly is my dream job.

And here is this… this whatever… who has a column and is using it – correction: wasting it – to describe her slutty escapades, and how she is young, and has an active sex life, with complications such as her beau having an incredibly sexy Armani clad younger brother who found her the prettiest girl in the room, and how she was attracted to him as well, how she doesn’t want to mix up with her beau’s friends but rather wants to spend time with her own friends, how her beau has friends who bring scantily-clad girls to parties, how these girls are all over every guy in the room, including the writer’s (Oh how I hate to call her a “writer”!) beau, and how this makes her jealous, and how she hates silicon but doesn’t mind boasting about her natural twins (though I seriously doubt the part about them being “natural”; and like silicon is slutty but saying you have Greek goddess boobs isn’t; I’m not kidding, you can read the article, those are her actual words!)… and then the article ends with a part of her wishing she meets her beau’s younger brother again, and another part of her wishing they never cross paths again.

Seriously – Diary of a Single Girl?

Single?

Girl?

Is this what signifies or represents the lives of Single Girls?

I was shocked TOI ever approved the concept of such a column being published in Times Life – like we don’t have enough people obsessed about Sex and the City or Desperate Housewives already? Not that I really like TOI or whatever, I am pretty neutral towards newspapers. But seriously!

It is shocking and disgusting what is becoming of the literary scene these days… few self-proclaimed, fresh and young writers are spoiling the name of some truly fresh and young writers out there; maybe some who are yet to be discovered even!

Apparently the column comes with no email-id of the “writer” (cringe!) or any detail where you can mail feedback. But honestly, would you even want to try and give feedback to a newspaper who had agreed to print/publish anything like that in the first place? Really, do the editors even read the article before publishing it?

Being single, being on your own has got so much more to it than what the article talks about! The article is just so utterly distasteful. It makes me feel guilty of being single myself!

I think people just do not understand the responsibility and the opportunity they have sometimes – this girl has a column to herself; and a BIG column too. Does she even realise what it means to have that kind of a platform, a voice, especially in a world that is so over-crowded that people can’t even hear each other talk? Does she realise what it means to have that kind of power to really make a difference? I always get to listen to grown-ups/elders say how our generation is becoming all promiscuous and disgraceful – so who is sitting in the TOI office, a bunch of teenagers?

The single biggest problem of today is “dogma” – in the words of a dear friend of mine. This whole chalta-hai attitude that everybody seems to succumb to these days is just plain and simple repulsive, and encounters with people with such an attitude even more so. And by everybody I mean “everybody” – from students, youngsters and teenagers, to teachers, employers and all sorts of pseudo responsible grown-ups; from “us” to “them”, irrespective of whichever side of the line you are standing on.

I do not know for how many more weeks am I going to have to endure that column – not that I will be reading it every time its published; but the mere sight of it is going to ache, I know it for a fact. But this is something that should be given a serious thought. I wouldn’t even go and try to comment or utter a single word of the girl who wrote that column – for it is despicable. But if that is what it means to be single – going around acting slutty – if that is what being single has come down to, I would very gladly like to declare:

I am single, and I am not a slut.