I spoke to my friend J yesterday after a long time. J entered my life quite unexpectedly, and I almost missed the chance of meeting J, because I was planning not to go for the party at which I met J. Something happened, and I finally decided to go to the party. A lot of changes have come about in my life since I met J, and I can safely attribute all of them to the event of J entering my life. The best part is, J feels the same way; J too feels ‘a connection’, and it is nice to have my feelings reciprocated, and with the same intensity, after such a long, long time. (And for all of you wondering who J is, well, whoever J maybe, I guess you really want to know if it’s a boy or a girl. J is a girl; and that’s the way the cookie crumbles!)
So I was talking to J and she told me she fell out with a friend of hers. This came as quite a shock to me. I know J’s friend too, but when J told me the reason for their falling out, I wondered if I knew J’s friend at all! The things J was saying about her friend were so… starkly the opposite of the things I thought about J’s friend, it was hard to believe we were both talking about the same person. We are all interested in spirituality and philosophy, me, J and her friend. We haven’t talked about it at length, but every time I am with J, I feel like we are saying a lot through what we do around each other, rather than what we say; I feel like we are conversing at a very different level. J’s friend is also into spirituality and philosophy, and that is how I got to know her. I guess now you can understand why it was so hard to believe when J said she couldn’t stand being around her friend any longer because of all the negativity and anger filled in her.
I pondered upon all that J had told me for a while. It really amused me. How can a spiritual and philosophical person also be so vulnerable to anger, and jealousy, and greed, and respect and all the superficial things in life? If your understanding of spirituality and philosophy does not help you get over things in life, if your spiritual advances do not help you let go, what’s the point? Yes we are all humans and we are all prone to feeling angry and hurt and disappointed and all the emotions any human mind and/or heart is capable of feeling. But is holding onto bygones going to get you anywhere? And most importantly, how can you be spiritual, how can you know the importance of unlearning, and still cling onto bygones? I mean, I seriously wonder, don’t these people realise what they are doing?
As I see it, spiritual growth should let you come to peace with, what I call, the way of things. There are two kinds of things in life; those we can do something about, and those that are beyond our control. From what I have seen among family and friends, I have noticed that we often get the two mixed up. We do nothing about the situations we have the power to control or change; we leave it up to fate or destiny. On the other hand, we go out of our way to try and fix things that, it is not within our power to fix. This causes us so much of suffering and misery, it is unbelievable! I had a row with one of my cousins recently over something so silly that I do not even remember it any more. At that point when I let some steam off, well… I had to let some steam off! And so I did. But my cousin has taken it far too much to her heart; and things have kind of been weird between us ever since. Now, I really love my cousin. Yes I got mad at her, and I let my temper get the better of me. In my defence, I will say, my lid blew off as a result of a LOT of things that had come my way from my cousin. But getting it out of my system, and giving her a piece of my mind, brought me back to neutral.
Sadly, however, she hasn’t been able to get over it.
Now if I could, I would make things go back to the way they always were between us for all these years. But I can’t; because it isn’t in my hands to control or affect how my cousin reacts to things. However, what has deeply saddened me is the realisation that in spite of being such a spiritual person, she hasn’t been able to unlearn, to let go and move on. I am not saying this just because it concerns me. I feel sad for my cousin for every single time she has been unable to unlearn, even in issues where I was not directly involved. You have to come to peace with certain things. Yes they wronged you, they cheated you, and you feel like you’ve been used. What can you do about it? Does it help going to bed with all these thoughts in your mind?
It is not always in our hands to control the situation we find ourselves in. But we can definitely choose what our take on the situation is going to be. Reactions are inevitable. But how long you let the feeling last, is in your hands. Spiritual growth should help you realise this – that even in the bleakest moment, you have a choice; to either move on, or cling on. The beauty of the whole thing, however, is not in this realisation; it is in what comes after the realisation. Once you know – truly know – the transient nature of things, letting go becomes easy and effortless, and after a point… unnecessary; because you never really let anything come close enough to cling onto you. Bad day? Tell yourself, “This is just one day in so many that are going to make up my existence. I am not going to let this one day define my life. I’m gonna go home take a nice nap, and tomorrow I am going to forget all about today.” It really works. This is a phase, this too shall pass.
Take a second, a minute, a day, a month… take as long as you need, but do what it takes to get rid of things like that. It is every bit worth the effort.
So I was talking to J and she told me she fell out with a friend of hers. This came as quite a shock to me. I know J’s friend too, but when J told me the reason for their falling out, I wondered if I knew J’s friend at all! The things J was saying about her friend were so… starkly the opposite of the things I thought about J’s friend, it was hard to believe we were both talking about the same person. We are all interested in spirituality and philosophy, me, J and her friend. We haven’t talked about it at length, but every time I am with J, I feel like we are saying a lot through what we do around each other, rather than what we say; I feel like we are conversing at a very different level. J’s friend is also into spirituality and philosophy, and that is how I got to know her. I guess now you can understand why it was so hard to believe when J said she couldn’t stand being around her friend any longer because of all the negativity and anger filled in her.
I pondered upon all that J had told me for a while. It really amused me. How can a spiritual and philosophical person also be so vulnerable to anger, and jealousy, and greed, and respect and all the superficial things in life? If your understanding of spirituality and philosophy does not help you get over things in life, if your spiritual advances do not help you let go, what’s the point? Yes we are all humans and we are all prone to feeling angry and hurt and disappointed and all the emotions any human mind and/or heart is capable of feeling. But is holding onto bygones going to get you anywhere? And most importantly, how can you be spiritual, how can you know the importance of unlearning, and still cling onto bygones? I mean, I seriously wonder, don’t these people realise what they are doing?
As I see it, spiritual growth should let you come to peace with, what I call, the way of things. There are two kinds of things in life; those we can do something about, and those that are beyond our control. From what I have seen among family and friends, I have noticed that we often get the two mixed up. We do nothing about the situations we have the power to control or change; we leave it up to fate or destiny. On the other hand, we go out of our way to try and fix things that, it is not within our power to fix. This causes us so much of suffering and misery, it is unbelievable! I had a row with one of my cousins recently over something so silly that I do not even remember it any more. At that point when I let some steam off, well… I had to let some steam off! And so I did. But my cousin has taken it far too much to her heart; and things have kind of been weird between us ever since. Now, I really love my cousin. Yes I got mad at her, and I let my temper get the better of me. In my defence, I will say, my lid blew off as a result of a LOT of things that had come my way from my cousin. But getting it out of my system, and giving her a piece of my mind, brought me back to neutral.
Sadly, however, she hasn’t been able to get over it.
Now if I could, I would make things go back to the way they always were between us for all these years. But I can’t; because it isn’t in my hands to control or affect how my cousin reacts to things. However, what has deeply saddened me is the realisation that in spite of being such a spiritual person, she hasn’t been able to unlearn, to let go and move on. I am not saying this just because it concerns me. I feel sad for my cousin for every single time she has been unable to unlearn, even in issues where I was not directly involved. You have to come to peace with certain things. Yes they wronged you, they cheated you, and you feel like you’ve been used. What can you do about it? Does it help going to bed with all these thoughts in your mind?
It is not always in our hands to control the situation we find ourselves in. But we can definitely choose what our take on the situation is going to be. Reactions are inevitable. But how long you let the feeling last, is in your hands. Spiritual growth should help you realise this – that even in the bleakest moment, you have a choice; to either move on, or cling on. The beauty of the whole thing, however, is not in this realisation; it is in what comes after the realisation. Once you know – truly know – the transient nature of things, letting go becomes easy and effortless, and after a point… unnecessary; because you never really let anything come close enough to cling onto you. Bad day? Tell yourself, “This is just one day in so many that are going to make up my existence. I am not going to let this one day define my life. I’m gonna go home take a nice nap, and tomorrow I am going to forget all about today.” It really works. This is a phase, this too shall pass.
Take a second, a minute, a day, a month… take as long as you need, but do what it takes to get rid of things like that. It is every bit worth the effort.
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