PERFECT PROPOSAL

I woke up with a cold sweat on my forehead and my heart racing faster than PT Usha perhaps; and my first thought was: Do early morning dreams really come true?

I hoped and hoped they didn't… I didn’t want to lose Dhananjay after all… Not for a thousand other friends… Or for a thousand other guys precisely… You only come across your dream guy once after all, right?

I went through my daily chores mechanically… I had Chemistry practicals that day, so I had already bathed and packed my bag by the time it was eight. Mom had packed my tiffin for me and left it on the kitchen counter already, and she had left for her morning walk. I entered the kitchen and picked up my tiffin. Stuffing it in my bag, I left the house sharp at eight-fifteen.

Dhananjay made a grand entry at nine, for a practical scheduled to begin at eight-thirty. Ma’am was already past the stage of getting angry at him.

‘Sorry ma’am I__’

‘No! Its ok. You don’t have to explain,’ Ma’am replied, her voice rather even. Dhananjay, and the rest of the students including me, rolled our eyes. Dhananjay muttered a meek ‘thanks’ and went to keep his bag on the shelf.

‘What are you doing?’ Ma’am called out.

Dhananjay turned around and looked at ma’am. He kept staring at her.

‘Out.’ Ma’am said.

‘Ma’am but__’

‘I said its ok. You don’t have to explain. Pick up your bag and out.’

Realising he didn’t have a choice, Dhananjay picked up his bag and stormed out of the lab. Suddenly everybody in the lab became quiet. There was not a word to be heard after that till the end of the practicals. We joined Dhananjay in the canteen at eleven-thirty.

‘Kya yaar!’ (What man!) Niraj exclaimed. ‘Why can’t you be on time for once?’

‘Arre ervicha thik ahe, (It’s another thing everyday) I come late on purpose. But I had to go to the doctor today morning.’

My ears pricked.

‘Why? What happened?’ Niraj asked.

‘Same thing. This cold will really kill me one day.’

‘Is it causing a lot of trouble?’ Tanmaya asked.

‘Not ‘a lot’ really, but enough to make me make a trip to the doctor.’

‘So what did the doctor say?’

‘What will he say? “Take care, wear a sweater,” this, that.’

‘But you said your asthma was under control now?’ Tanmaya again.

‘Yes! But just check out the cold man! 5.5o! Who thought Pune could get this cold! It gets a bit hard in the winters…’ Dhananjay said.

‘Yeah…’ Niraj said.

‘I know…’ Tanmaya said.

‘Why are you so quiet today?’ Dhananjay asked me suddenly.

‘Nothing…’ I said and looked away.

‘God! I’m ravenous!’ Niraj said out of the blue. ‘Let’s eat.’

We all proceeded to bring our tiffins out of our bags. Dhananjay put a hand into his bag; it came out empty.

‘Shit!’ he exclaimed, banging his hand on the table.

‘Now what?’ Tanmaya said.

‘I forgot my tiffin.’

‘Oh no!’

‘That’s ok,’ Niraj said, ‘We all share our tiffins anyway right?’

‘Why don’t we go to the University Canteen instead?’ Dhananjay suggested. ‘I mean if it’s ok with__’

‘No!’

This came from me. I surprised myself as much as I surprised the three of them at the sudden exclamation.

‘Why not?’ Tanmaya asked.

‘Let’s just not go ok?’ I said; for only I had foreseen what lie ahead of us if we were to go to the University Canteen.

‘But why?’ Dhananjay asked. ‘In fact a little bit of sun will do me good.’

‘Ya, come on! Let’s go yaar!’ Niraj persuaded. I tried my best to protest, but couldn’t. Finally I gave in to the idea.

‘I don’t feel like driving though,’ Dhananjay said.

‘Come on! You know I can’t drive!’ Niraj said.

‘It’s ok! We’ll drive today!’ Tanmaya said.

‘Ok! I’m sitting on your bike then,’ Niraj said, leaving Dhananjay to sit behind me. Soon we were on our way to the University Canteen.

‘Whats the matter yaar?’ Dhananjay asked me, his voice lower than usual, as we were driving. We had entered the University premises.

‘Nothing,’ I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.

‘You are shivering,’ Dhananjay said.

‘It’s the cold.’

‘Since when did you start feeling cold?’ Dhananjay asked me. I kept quiet. ‘You are looking pretty today though,’ he added.

Under normal circumstances, this should have sent me to seventh-heaven. I should have been extremely flattered, ecstatic, and incomparably happy. I mean, you don’t always receive compliments from your dream guy right? But I didn’t even as much as smile at him. In fact, I was almost on the verge of tears.

‘And why did you say ‘no’ to coming to the canteen?’ he asked further.

Now how was I to answer that? ‘Because you are going to die now’? I tried to fight back my tears. Superstitions, when they are related to or when they involve people you really love and care about, can scare the daylights out of you. I didn’t want to lose Dhananjay; no! No way! On the one hand my heart was praying and praying madly that nothing should go wrong, that my nightmare shouldn’t come true. And on the other hand my brain was laughing at me for actually believing or thinking that such things happen… that such superstitions come true.

‘Hey! WATCH OUT!’ he shouted in my ear. I blinked; and the next moment I found myself headed straight towards a Maruti 800. I swerved my bike and avoided banging head-on into it.

‘Stop! Stop right now,’ Dhananjay said. I obeyed. He got off the bike. I got off it too. He took the key from me.

‘Sit.’ He ordered. I obeyed. We took off again.

We were both quiet after that; he being angry; me… a lot of things. I breathed in his scent. My lungs filled with the smell of ‘Old Spice’. His muffler was fluttering in the air as he sped through the maze of roads. Suddenly I had a strong urge to hug him, and before I knew it, I really was hugging him.

‘Hey! Hello! Kya hua hai yaar tujhe aaj?’ (Whats happened to you today?)

I kept quiet.

Dhananjay didn’t say anything after that; but he placed one of his hands on mine and drove slower. He slacked in his back, making me nuzzle against him. The rest of the journey was completed in silence, with him whistling one of the stanzas of our favourite song, Bin Tere Sanam.

About an hour later we were having a walk through the University Garden. We had just finished eating, and nobody was in a mood to go back to college and sit for the lectures.

‘Lekin bol na yaar, tujhe hua kya hai?’ (But what is the matter with you?) Niraj again asked me.

‘And don’t say nothing,’ Tanmaya said.

‘Abe mujhe puchh na!’ (Ask me!) Dhananjay said. ‘I’ll tell you what the matter is. Madam is lost in thoughts of her lover!’

I shot Dhananjay a look. His eyes were twinkling with laughter. Tanmaya and Niraj were already acting like I had announced my engagement or something. We were out of the garden now, heading back towards our vehicles.

‘What! Really?’

‘Who is it?’

I kept looking at Dhananjay. He stared back at me.

I looked away. I could hear them all tease me, but I couldn’t really figure out what they were saying. I was there with them physically, but mentally I seemed to be lost somewhere…

‘Do you believe in superstitions?’ I asked all of a sudden, and everyone went quiet.

‘What?’ Dhananjay was the first one to speak.

‘I just had this weird dream last night,’ I said, finally coming out with what had been eating my mind since morning. ‘They say early morning dreams come true. Do you think they really do?’

The silence that ensued was so dead, if I tried real hard, I could’ve probably heard their hearts beat. With perfect timing I realised there was nobody on the road; it had emptied almost suddenly. There was not a vehicle or a person to be seen. I glanced back at the garden; it had emptied too. Just like in the dream…

‘I don’t know…’ Tanmaya said. ‘Maybe they do.’

‘Yeah… I mean, I never had a dream early morning. I mean, I don’t get up that early anyway, so I wouldn’t know really…’ Niraj said.

‘Yeah… And I don’t dream so much…’ Tanmaya added. ‘So…’

I looked at Niraj and Tanmaya. Suddenly I realised they were wearing the same clothes as they had dressed up in in my dream. I looked at Dhananjay. He was wearing the same clothes too.

I closed my eyes. And just then I heard a car in the distance, approaching us from behind. I quickly pulled Dhananjay on the inside of the road and started walking on the outside.

‘Anyway! So where were we?’ Niraj said.

‘Madam’s lover!’ Tanmaya prompted, and they all started laughing. The sound of the car grew louder. It was coming up fast… real fast.

‘Right! Ae bol na Dhananjay (Come on tell us Dhananjay). Who is the mystery guy?’

I turned around. I could see the car now. I turned back and looked at Dhananjay.

‘It’s no one,’ I said.

‘Oh ya! Really?’ Dhananjay said, looking at me, his eyes twinkling as they always do when he is up to some mischief.

‘Ya.’

‘But then what was that stuff about__’

And just then, Dhananjay stopped in mid-sentence, took my hand and pulled me hard towards himself. The car drove past us.

I heard Tanmaya shout.

I heard Niraj shout.

Me and Dhananjay fell to the ground.

I quickly recovered and got up.

‘Are you nuts or__’ Dhananjay began to say, but his voice got swallowed up in his coughing.

‘Laksha kuthe hota tujha?’ (What were you so lost in?) Tanmaya said. She quickly got down to her knees and removed her water bottle from her bag. She offered it to Dhananjay. He took the bottle, but couldn’t stop himself from coughing, even enough to drink the water.

‘Oye yaar, take it easy!’ Niraj said. But Dhananjay’s coughing only got worse. I began rubbing his back.

‘I am sorry Dhananjay,’ I said. He looked at me; his eyes were blood-shot and watering from the excessive coughing. And just then I realised; he was having an attack.

‘Oh my God,’ Tanmaya said, as it struck her too. She went through his bag to find his inhaler, but it wasn’t there. Seems like he had forgotten that too. Dhananjay's coughing was now at its peak. He was gasping for air.

‘I’ll go check the dickey of his bike, it might be there in it,’ Niraj said as he sped off in the direction of our bikes. Meanwhile I and Tanmaya tried to reduce the coughing. But we didn’t know quite what to do. And just then, Dhananjay breathed in one last time, closed his eyes and fell to the ground.

Tanmaya froze.

I froze.

We kept staring at a motionless Dhananjay.

Just then Niraj cam back with the inhaler. He took one look at us, and the inhaler dropped out of his hand.

Suddenly Tanmaya burst into tears.

Niraj bent down on his knees and held her in his arms.

I just kept staring at Dhananjay… kept staring at his hair, his eyes, his lips… all things I was crazy about… all things that were now lifeless… dead.

I raised my hand and placed it on his heart. I ran it across his chest. I bent down and placed my head on his chest. I closed my eyes. I could still hear Tanmaya crying. My finger grabbed his t-shirt slowly… my fist growing stronger and stronger. I bit my lips. Slow and steady the tears started pouring out of my eyes.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my back. I looked up.

Dhananjay was staring at me.

I blinked. I turned around and looked at Tanmaya. She was standing now, and so was Niraj, right next to her.

I looked back at Dhananjay. And now, his eyes were wet.

‘You love me so much?’ he said.

I blinked, still not able to make head or tails of what was happening.

Dhananjay now sat up and leaned against the tree behind him.

‘It was a joke,’ he explained.

I looked at Tanmaya and Niraj. They nodded. I looked back at Dhananjay.

‘It was a joke,’ he repeated. ‘I talked Tanmaya and Niraj into it. When Tanmaya told me you liked me… I couldn’t believe it. Why would you want to be with a guy like me? Someone who has health problems and a medical history and all… So I decided to__’

‘Pucch hi lete ek baar. Mein bata deti,’ (You just had to ask me once. I would have told you.) I said and got up. I started walking toward our bikes. Dhananjay called out to me. I didn’t respond. I heard him get up. Tanmaya and Niraj chose not to follow him as he came after me. I started walking faster as I heard Dhananjay close up to me. He started walking faster too. Finally he ran up to me, and held me arm. He pulled me towards him.

‘I am sorry,’ he said.

I looked at him. And before I knew it, I had slapped him.

He looked back at me.

‘I am really__’

I slapped him again, this time on the other cheek.

He looked back at me. His eyes were welling up… fast. He took me by the arms and tried to pull me into an embrace. I tried to resist… but gave in finally, breaking out into tears.

‘I love you,’ he said.

I cried harder… but nodded. That’s all I could do really at that moment…






I stop here… but I smile as I realise I still haven’t told you one thing: I don’t believe in superstitions anymore, but I do believe in miracles…