YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

It was way past my bed-time, and I was not at all in a mood to sleep. The next day was Sunday anyway, so I didn’t need to sleep early or wake up early or anything. And then, when I am sulking, there is no use telling me or convincing me. When I am sulking, I have just one rule: leave me alone, and I won’t swallow you whole.

So what was I doing then?

Orkut-ing… what else?

I went and checked out several people’s profiles (all guys; needless to say) and scrapped several unknown guys - very uncharacteristic of me. And just as I was about to logoff, some guy scrapped me.

‘heyaaaaaa! no reply miss!’

G.O.D.

Are guys really that dumb? Or is it my dire luck that I always come across losers? This guy had been bothering me for god knows how many days; I had lost count by then. And I had been avoiding him - again quite uncharacteristic of me. But… there was something wrong with me… There had been something wrong with me for quite some time… I had changed… I had become very irritable, and was on a low in general… anyway. So I saw his name in my scrapbook and thought to myself; ‘That’s it! I am getting rid of this guy tonight, and for good.’

‘wht is ur prob dude? jst buzz off.’

‘i c u r rg’s fren.’ came the reply, and I immediately scanned his friend-list; sure enough, he was RG’s friend. I mellowed down a bit.

‘ya. so?’

‘so I though mayb v cud hv a chat… do u hv webcam?’

Oh God. Now I was totally convinced this guy was the ultimate loser category. I hated such guys, who think they are being really suave when they say and do things that would turn even the most boring and ‘plain Jane’ of girls’ off. Things like; ‘cn v b frens’ n ‘do u hv a cel’ or ‘do u hv a webcam’ or even ‘wen cn v meet’… God! I so loathed these types!

‘no.’ I said.

‘ok. hw abt a pic?’

‘y u wana c me so badly?’ I asked him. Actually I didn’t even know why I was talking with him in the first place… n that too when I was in such a bad mood.

‘hv herd a lot bt u frm rg. pl.’

And right there I saw my way out of this guy… I show him my pic, he doesn’t like me, and I am free!

Now, I am not the kind of person who has a low self-esteem or anything… but then, I also don’t have any fancy ideas about how I look… I think I look good… not exceptionally beautiful or anything, but good. But I am also more on the plump side. So, its like - guys like me, but not enough to pursue me I guess… Actually whatever… it doesn’t matter, I don’t care.

I gave the guy my Yahoo!-id and asked him to come online. I clicked on the photo-sharing option and chose the dumbest of my pics. It wasn’t all that dumb actually, but I wouldn’t consider it my best pic; atleast not a pic I’d share with a guy.

‘luks lik its bit big. takin tym to load. so wht do u do?’

‘u knw wht?’

‘wht’

‘jst c d pic n buz off. m nt in d mood fr a chat.’

‘y? wht hapnd?’

‘whtevr! wht is ur prob anyway? u think u r sm grt guy who cn whisk my probs away jst lik tht? u think u r bein vry nic n suave wen u ask me whts d matr wit me?’

‘u knw wht I think? i think u r drunk, or u r being vry funy rit nw.’

‘luk, whtevr ur name is – ’

‘luv. my name is luv. as in luv-kush.’

GOD SAVE ME! I almost cried out reading that one. Luv. LUV! How could anyone’s parents ever name their son ‘Luv’? Eeeeeeeeeeeew!

‘okh LUV. m hvin a bad day. so jst buz off. frankly i dnt evn knw y i m talking to u in d first place. I need to b left alon rite nw, k? so jst – ’

‘wow. u r beautiful.’

Pause.

‘wht?’

‘ur pic. it jst loaded fully. u r beautiful.’

‘ya rite. i m beautiful, n d world is flat.’

‘i mean it. m nt putin u on.’

‘no. m nt beautiful, m fat.’

‘bt dt dosnt mean u r nt beautiful.’

And just like that, my eyes welled up. I don’t know what happened in that one moment, but the next moment, I was crying. I was laughing and crying at the same time. It was like all my anger and frustration and irritation had gone in a moment.

‘u knw wht?’

‘wht?’

‘u r mad.’

‘cmon. tel me smthin new. :D’

God. I felt so touched… It was nothing maybe, and for all I know, he could be just putting me on. I can’t really express what I want to say, or how I felt. But… its like, me being fat had become a part of my identity. Even that would have been ok with me, but it gets really annoying when all people reduce you to is ‘that big fat girl’. Yes, I am very tall, and I am stout. I am not the bulging fat types. But yes, I could do with losing a few pounds. But lately, it seemed like that was the only thing people could notice in me. I act like it doesn’t bother me. And personally, it doesn’t. But sometimes you do get tired of acting strong, or acting like you couldn’t care less about what people said and did. Sometimes, it just gets to you, and all you feel like doing is curling into a corner and hugging yourself and crying. Wouldn’t you feel great if someone came along at such a time and just appreciated you the way you are? Or said something stupid and ridiculous and wonderful at the same time? Sometimes that’s all that we want really… to be accepted for what we are… to be liked or cherished just the way we are. And that is exactly what this guy had just done.

‘thnx.’ I said… That’s all I could think of saying really. It was such a stupid thing… so trivial. But it lifted me up and made me happy. We exchanged a few more words and then said goodbye and logged off.






To this day, I haven’t been able to find that guy again… I don’t know where he is or how he is. I asked my friend RG, but she completely denied of knowing any such guy. Maybe we were talking of 2 different RGs… or maybe RG had unknowingly accepted his ‘friend request’ on Orkut and didn’t really know him… or maybe… I don’t know what… I can’t really explain what happened. But that guy just came and went… just like that.

Luv, if you are reading this right now, I just want to say; thanks. Thanks for what you did. Maybe its nothing to you, but it meant a lot to me… thanks… and hope we meet again some day…